Having been a father since April 18, 1994, and a grandfather since September 1, 2018, I have some understanding what it takes to be both.
One of the things I have noticed since April 18, 1994, is the growing RESISTANCE to the child’s behavior is a reflection of the parent’s “work.” No matter if the behavior is acceptable / polite or nasty / “having a bad day,” the child’s behavior does not represent the work of the parents is odd to me. I am “just” a high school music teacher. I am in no way an “expert” in the field of parenting, and I AM IMPERFECT AS A FATHER. Therefore, knowing I am speaking as a high school music teacher who is also a father / grandfather, with that being said — please understand, I disagree a child does NOT reflect their parents. I understand there are exceptions, but the exceptions have to be in the direction of the child is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of their parents. I consider me to be opposite of my father.
What I can tell you is I took my job as a father (and now grandfather) seriously to the point that I truly believe PJ (our son) and Katy (our daughter) are extensions of Diana (my wife / their mother) and me! At some level, how they behave is a reflection of how Diana and me.
As a teacher, one of my newer (used in the last ten years) “tools in my tool belt” is the question, “would you do that if your mom or dad was here?” And as you can imagine in this current culture, even if it was something wrong, the answer is YES. That “yes” answer is growing and so is incivility – sadly.
One way to slow down our decaying culture is to parent your child with the following question, “am I (the parent) behaving the way I want my child to behave?”
One of my MANY sins is – I love to cuss / swear / use bad language. Well, because I don’t want our grandson (a wonderful moral compass for me), to say bad words, I watch what I say in front of him. I know that it can be “cute” when one hears a cute soon-to-be-four-year-old say the “F word.” But on the other hand, using that word shouldn’t be “cute.”
Now, as I wrote earlier, no one is perfect. We should all come to the realization – we are all sinners. We all have the ability to be bad humans and do bad human things. So, to help us be better humans, God gave us little moral compasses: HIS children. Yes. PJ and Katy are “on loan” from God. When I die and Diana dies, PJ and Katy have been taught, they will answer to God.
Let’s teach our children (when they are children) what are God’s expectations and then live them. You may recognize them. https://www.bibleinfo.com/en/topics/ten-commandments-list
- You shall have no other gods before ME.
- You shall make no idols
- You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
- Keep the Sabbath day holy.
- Honor your father and your mother.
- You shall not murder.
- You shall not commit adultery.
- You shall not steal.
- You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
- You shall not covet.
When I read those “Ten Commandments,” I would ask the human secularist (which are increasing in number), “which one or more of these “Ten Commandments” do you believe you could live a complete / good life without?” My guess is the human secularist would choose, “You shall have no other gods before ME” needs to go. Fair enough.
I will “give” you that one.
What about the other nine? Why should these other nine not be in classrooms across the nation? Why should or why does our government believe / support these other nine “commandments” not be displayed in court houses? How are these “commandments” unhealthy “laws” to live by? By the way, the Ten Commandments (at least, nine of the “Ten Commandments”) NOT being taught as at least “human laws” is leading to the breakdown of the family and when the first “organization / community” is broken down, so goes the culture. Do you (human secularist) see the increase of murders / stealing / dishonoring of the father and mother to the point when where we want to change their names to “non-birthing person” / “birthing person?”
We are seeing this cultural breakdown in our president’s son – Hunter Biden.
Seeing a human being’s dissent is very painful for me. I ask, “what happened? How did it get to this point? If PJ or Katy were behaving similar to Hunter, what would I do? What did I do for PJ and Katy to act this way (Hunter Biden’s behavior)? Now, what can I do to help them change for the better?”
I will say it again, “my son and my daughter are my moral compasses.” I will do all I can to remind myself – EVEN AT FIFTY-SIX YEARS-OLD and they are in their late twenties – PJ & Katy are still watching me. They are still learning from me.
We should look to our leaders as examples of how one lives their life / leads their life. What did President Biden do or not do for his son, Hunter, to become the man he is today? And whatever that was or is, what can I do to avoid that path? I will disagree with anyone a father has nothing to do with his adult son’s behavior. I bet you if we taught our children that what you do as your child’s parent will impact their lives for twenty / thirty / forever years in the future, because you do not want your children to lead miserable lives, you may take the job a little more seriously.
I will give you this … because there has to be a time when they are totally responsible for their choices, I do relieve myself of personal responsibility for the 28-year-old PJ and the 26-year-old Katy. I am confident, Diana and I made the sacrifices we needed to make, confident in our Judeo-Christian understanding of what a “good life” is and taught those Judeo-Christian values to PJ and Katy. I encourage ALL PARENTS who did what they could / made the sacrifices they made / followed & demonstrated Judeo-Christian ethics (in our case) and their children are not what y’all expected to be — BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN! There is a time when the child becomes the adult and is fully responsible for their lives. Walk alongside them. Give them support. Please do not choose to leave them alone.
I leave you with this…
Dear President Biden,
As a fellow father / grandfather, I ask you Mr. President to please give some needed attention to your son, Hunter. Since his tragic life has become so public, I encourage you to be a role model for our nation’s fathers and take care of your son. Stop lying. Stop telling us you don’t know anything about what is happening with your son. I will go so far as, step down or take time away as president and dedicate significant quality time to your son Hunter getting better. Be a part of managing the intervention before it’s too late!
No one would fault you for making this tremendous sacrifice for your family.
I see your son as a “Betty Ford Moment” – “In 1978, the Ford family staged an intervention, and forced Betty to confront her addition to alcohol and pain pills. After her initial anger over the intrusion in her life, Betty remained home for a week, and underwent a monitored detoxification. She then entered Long Beach Naval Hospital for drug and alcohol rehabilitation.” https://www.history.com/topics/first-ladies/betty-ford
However, Mr. President, I see this as a greater event than Betty Ford. This is your son!! Hunter is your legacy. All this information is coming out during your presidency! Betty Ford was a spouse, and they fought her addiction after President Ford left office. You would be staging this intervention during a monumental time of your career as a politician.
Mr. President, even though I disagree with all you have done as president … YES… ALL YOU HAVE DONE – I will support you as a man in your quest to help your son survive / thrive in life! Show us / the world your son matters. Our children matter. More important than the president of the United States of America, finish strong as Hunter’s father.
Sir, I will continue to pray for you as our president and as a fellow father. God bless you.
Many Blessings / Agape,
Paul D. Everts