A Message for Millions. 35 Will Read It.

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Written on February 9, 2025.  Posted same day.

Since March 30, 1991, God has blessed me to be married to Diana.  As many of you know and now know, Diana is one of the most patient women in the world.  Yes.  THE WORLD.  And, most of my friends, family, and students/scholars would strongly support my statement regarding Diana.  I learn a lot from Diana.  I want to share this recent lesson she has taught me.  This is the message for millions and 35 will read it.

Diana to me (Wife to Husband), One of the problems with you (Paul) is people are not doing something the way you think it should be done and that bothers you.

Kick in the “region!”

ABSOLUTELY!

Brief Background

For the new person in my life…

  • Since 1989, taught music in California (I KNOW – Survivor (HAHA); three years – Private Christian School; three years – Charter School; thirty years – Public (government) School
  • Became a Christian in 1985 (need to have another Baptism; refresher)
  • Personally Conservative (meaning – I STRONGLY BELIEVE JESUS CHRIST IS MY LORD and do NOT want the United States of America to be a Theocracy.  At the same time, I do believe our nation is founded on Christian beliefs / principles and has helped us be a GREAT nation)
  • The BIBLE is the TRUTH and has THE answers for a great life!
  • Caucasian
  • Heterosexual Male
  • Father
  • Grandfather
  • January 6, 1966 is my birthday

What is it called when I don’t do something the way another person would do the same task?

On February 7, 2025, I had time together with a family member.  During that time, I experienced what Diana shared about me.  I was sitting across from someone who was doing what I have been doing.  Well, I shouldn’t write, “…have been doing.”  I need to begin to stop doing.

I went to “Google” and typed in the question above and here is the answer:

When you don’t do something the way another person would do the same task, it can be called a difference in approach or a different method; depending on the context, you might also use terms like individual style, personal preference, or even divergent thinking if it implies a creative or unique way of completing the task.
Key points to consider:
No negative connotation:
Generally, this simply means that people have different ways of doing things, not necessarily that one way is better than the other.
Situational factors:
The specific term might vary depending on the situation, like in a workplace where “work style” or “preferred methodology” could be used.

We Need EACH OTHER

After reading the AI RESPONSE, I thought of this information from John C. Maxwell’s book, “High Road Leadership,”
If you’re a leader and you allow yourself to get drawn into taking sides and working against other groups of people, you’re limiting your leadership.  As leaders, we all need the people on the other side.  Our side doesn’t have all the answers.  Believing we do is arrogant.  I am not always right, and neither are you.  And those on the “other side” are not always wrong.  If you don’t listen to them, you’re shrinking your influence and limiting your impact.  If you can’t work with people who disagree with you, you will never become the leader you could be.  No one will ever convince me that you can choose only half of the people and get as much done as if you work to lead all the people.  

You lose the BEST way when you must always have your OWN way.  

As we look at the current state of leadership, if we think all these problems have been created by “the other side,” we’re missing the point.  If we want a better culture, a better country, and a better world, we need to look in the mirror and recognize our own contributions to the division we’re experiencing.  

What is it called when a person gets upset when I don’t do something the same way they would do it?

All of this led to the next question above.  Again, going to “Google” for the answer:

When someone gets upset when you don’t do something the same way they would, it can be described as “micromanaging,” “controlling,” “rigid,” or “inflexible” behavior; essentially, they have a strong need for things to be done in a specific way, often their own way, and become frustrated when others deviate from that standard.
Here are a few other terms that might apply depending on the situation:
  • Perfectionist tendencies: Someone with a strong desire for everything to be perfect, which can lead to frustration when others don’t meet their exact standards.
  • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD): A clinical diagnosis where individuals exhibit a pervasive need for order and control, often causing them to be critical of others’ methods.
  • Lack of adaptability: Difficulty adjusting to different approaches or ways of doing things. 

This question and answer got to the heart of the matter for me (and millions of others and the 35 who will read this).  BINGO!

Self-Awareness

Having taught music to ten year olds through college age students (G.A. at Sacramento State for a brief time), I have been the one who has had the HONOR / BLESSING / PRIVILEGE to be the one who decides how the music should sound / how students & scholars should behave, which I can attribute to being a person who can be “described as displaying “micromanaging,” “controlling,” “rigid,” or “inflexible” behavior; essentially, having a strong need for things to be done in a specific way, often my own way, and become frustrated when others deviate from that standard.”

Even at 59 years old, I need to understand and demonstrate that I understand not everyone is going to give me that same honor / blessing / privilege.  Therefore, with the limited time I have left before I go to heaven, I need to recognize the difference from the classroom to outside-the-classroom.

All of us, STARTING WITH ME, need to admit we are NOT self-aware.  Here are several John C. Maxwell questions to change and improve our “internal self-awareness”:

  • How well do I know my strengths?  Do I know what gifts and abilities I possess that set me apart from others?
  • How about my weaknesses and flaws?  Do I know what they are?  Am I realistic about them?  More importantly, am I honest and open about them?
  • What about my feelings/  How aware am I of my feelings?  How do I react in response to challenges, opposition, indifference, failure, and conflict?  How do I handle success?
  • Have I identified my values? Have I thought through what I would and would not do in support of my values?

There is more great information.  Go buy his book “High Road Leadership.”

Conclusion

We are the obstacle in our way.  The more we can get out of our way the better we will be for ourselves and others.  And know this, I am very bad at this and that is why I study the BIBLE and read books like, Dr. Maxwell’s “High Road Leadership.”  I encourage the 35 of you who read this to share it with others and to take on the task to allow others to do things differently than you would do them.  It’s tough.  I know.