Now, what to do? FORGIVE.

Thank you very much for all the support you are giving me and those closest to me with our transition from teaching high school music for the public schools in California to the next chapter. Our next chapter includes giving leadership seminars which lean in on becoming better people. Better people make better leaders. If you want to see what we are doing, please go to https://www.conductingmylife.com and go to the “events” tab. Also, if you would like to support us / invest in us, please visit https://bit.ly/3BuWjd3

This week I have seen many people, including me, be hurt. I am not just talking about the terrible “hurt” we are seeing every day in Ukraine! That is a level of hurt I do not understand because I have not experienced it.

I am talking about “everyday” hurt. Mean words. False accusations. Vindictiveness. Retribution. Insensitive.

Some of the “hurt” has been intentional: Name calling. Accusations. Allegations. Threats

Some of the “hurt” has been unintentional: Someone not listening to you. Someone offers advice that isn’t needed. Someone feels that your job / work is not needed / is not valued.

What happens when I get hurt? Great question. Well, it hurts (giggle). It does. It’s an easy question to ask and one that takes time to put together words for the answer. My first response is to myself, “what did I do? What did I do to this person to give him / her “permission” to hurt me? How does that person feel their action towards me is a proper response? What did I do?”

How does “hurt” feel? There are physical responses to the hurt. My stomach turns. I start to feel tingling through my body. I sometimes get a headache. My heartrate increases. I want to return their “hurt” – physically or in other ways.

Do you notice that many times when the person “hurts” you it’s under a disguise? When we are the keyboard warriors, the disguise is very simple: the “hurt-person” changes their name. They hide their pain by hiding their name. They become someone else. When we are physically with people who hurt us, their disguise can be the “position” he / she holds. From time-to-time, we stand behind the title we carry. That title can be a disguise, as well.

Do you ever feel that you have allowed a “no” to hurt you? A “no” hurts me. I want to get a job. “No.” I want to offer a service for you. “No, thank you.” So “hurt” comes in all sorts of ways and in all sorts of levels of pain. Please know that in most cases the “no” from the person was not meant to hurt you. It still hurts and when it does, this may be a time for you to forgive yourself for feeling this way.

Now, what to do? FORGIVE.

One thing you NEED to do is to let the person know he / she did hurt you. ADMIT IT. Why? Because the person may not have known he / she hurt you. Also, seeing their response will help your intellectual side in how you respond to their action. Sometimes people do not know they have hurt us.

As a Christian, I have been taught to forgive. “Turn the other cheek” is one of the statements we hear. Easier said than done. But it is the right thing to do.

As a teacher for over thirty years, I have been hurt numerous times. I have had to learn that being hurt by a student / a parent / an administrator / and yes – a colleague is just part of the job. Part of the job that makes a passion (teach music) easily turn into a “job.” The sooner you can accept that being hurt is part of life, the sooner you can enjoy life. “Hurt” is life. There are thorns on a rose bush that can hurt you and the roses are beautiful.

Why do I forgive? Why do I choose to forgive? I choose to forgive because Jesus Christ forgave me! Period or in this case: EXCLAMATION POINT.

Forgiving a person who hurts me decreases the pain of the “hurt.” I can not explain it. Sometimes things just cannot be explained, but when I forgive, I do feel a decrease in pain caused by the “hurful-person.”

Sure … When someone hurts me, I have a negative reaction. I told ya … my stomach turns; I want to hurt the person; an eye-for-an-eye sort of thinking.

Yet, my rational side will step-in and lead me to, “Why act like that person? You don’t want to be that person so don’t act like that person.”

Before, I end my article with Biblical verses to help us “forgive,” I do want you to know I support defending yourself. If someone is hurting you, you can defend yourself. You can defend yourself and be forgiving. If someone is abusing you, DEFEND YOURSELF. Do not allow the “hurtful-person” to continue to “beat” you down! Your forgiveness needs to be on YOUR TERMS! In a calm manner / good tone / clear words, inform the “hurtful-person” (bully), you are not their punching bag.

And guess what? That “hurtful-person” may or may not apologize and ask for forgiveness. Then, you will need to walk away. After defending yourself / walking away, the “hurtful-person” is still treating you poorly, then it is time for legal action. Again, DEFEND YOURSELF is an appropriate response (some may say a “controversial” response, especially from a “Christian”). Your response is YOU.

Some Biblical thoughts about “forgive”

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
Ephesians 1:7 “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace”
Hebrews 10:17 “Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.”
Daniel 9:9 “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him;”
Ephesians 1:7 “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,”
Acts 2:38 “And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” Acts 2:38