When do we admit we are in control of our choices?
I have been told by more than one person that I need to have more empathy / sympathy, understanding for the “down-and-out?” Sometimes they just don’t have a choice. And, more than times than not, I have felt that way “I don’t have a choice.”
Here’s the difference … I feel like crap when I fall into the trap of “I don’t have a choice.”
I feel like a child when I say, “I don’t have a choice.”
In 1983, walking to my job at Carmel Drug Store, a man in a pick-up truck asked, “Where are you going?”
“I am going to work.”
He responded, “Cool. Would you like a ride?”
“Sure.”
I was 17 years old. I felt pretty confident that all he was going to do was – give me a ride to work.
“What time do you have to be at work?”
“One o’clock.”
“It’s 12:30. We got time. I am working on a project at a home by the beach. I would like to show it to you. You wanna check it out?”
Me being nice and trusting this stranger, “Yeah.”
We drive to a house close to the beach.
He leads us to the backyard.
All of the sudden… not violently. He turns around. Pushes me against the wall of the home and starts to put his hands on a part of a man that is very personal. I will let you use your imagination. I am not looking to have this story be the latest addition to the public school library or be read at a school board meeting.
He could tell somethings was wrong.
“What?! You don’t like this?”
I couldn’t speak. I just shook my head ‘no.’
He then (Thank God) immediately stopped. Backed off and apologized.
By this time, the damage was done. I had been assaulted.
We get into his truck and he drives me to my job and that … was that.
I didn’t know what to do. What does a 17 year old boy with no father; an alcoholic mother with her own demons do when something so traumatic happens?
Answer: Nothing.
I said nothing to my boss. I said nothing to my fellow employees. I didn’t even tell my mom, my aunt or my younger sisters.
I was numb.
I am giving you a very brief description of what was a very traumatic experience. Again, I will let your imagination of what it was like that day 40 years ago. As I am writing this article for you – I regress back to a feeling of helplessness.
Why now be so public?
Because, I know I am hearing more and more how traumatic events are leading many teens and/or young adults to make choices today that will lead to lifelong changes to their body. Instead of turning to the pharmacological response (which will make them victims of that evil forever; dependency is evil) or turn to the doctors who seem to have no ethical problem changing minors’ or even young people’s bodies as a solution to their broken hearts / spirits, I would inspire you to —- yes … CHOOSE GOD!!
Let your trauma lead you to GOD! You have the choice!!
I am so grateful that I went to God.
Hearing what people are going through with gender issues that could be due to a similar traumatic event, I reflect on what I am could have missed if I made the choice to change my body.
- Being Diana’s husband since March 30, 1991
- Being PJ and Katy’s dad
- Being Ashlee and Deven’s father-in-law
- Being Jason and Wyatt’s grandfather (and the grandfather of more babies to come)
What could have happened to me if I had allowed that traumatic event change me spiritually negatively.
- Hate…literally HATE…all non-heterosexual people.
Instead, of hating a group of people because of what one man did to me, Jesus Christ taught me:
- “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” Matthew 22:36-40
- “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. Matthew 6:5
- “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.” Romans 13:8
I would encourage those who have been “wronged” by my fellow Christians as I was “wronged” by a non-heterosexual man or those who go to as their default, “hurt by one – hurt by all” to study / pray on the following:
- 27 In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house without first tying him up. Then he can plunder the strong man’s house. 28Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, 29but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of eternal sin.” Mark 3:27-29
- 13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. 14For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:13-15
DISCLAIMER: I am not a certified counselor / psychologist / psychiatrist. Therefore, I will not be accountable for you taking up my SUGGESTION for a better life. THAT IS YOUR CHOICE! (I see what ya did there, Paul)
One of my favorite movies is LEAN ON ME… I love this scene. The entire scene is fantastic, but here are two seconds:
Stay Black and Die
Principal Joe Clark is correct!
Please – do all you can to own your choices. Don’t allow others to manipulate you. You need to be in charge. AND… I hope and pray, you will some day know, you need to Jesus Christ. You will choose to follow Him.
Okay … I hear the door opening. More “friends” have left me.
Wait!
Think about this / own this for you, as well…As those friends leave me, more friends are being made. ALL – I am here for you! Live your life without the albatross of trauma dragging you down. We are all God’s children. God’s “little ones.”
5And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. 6″if anyone causes one of these little ones – those who believe in me – to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through who they come!” Matthew 18:5-7